Tech Speak
The terms that they use, but what they REALLY mean:
“New”
means
“Different colours from previous version.”
“All New”
means
“Not compatible with previous version.”
“Exclusive”
means
“Nobody else has documentation.”
“Unmatched”
means
“Almost as good as the competition.”
“Design Simplicity”
means
“The company wouldn’t give us any money.”
“Fool-proof Operation”
means
“All parameters are hard-coded.”
“Advanced Design”
means
“Nobody really understands it.”
“Here At Last”
means
“Didn’t get it done on time.”
“Field Tested”
means
“We don’t have any simulators.”
“Years of Development”
means
“Finally got one to work.”
“Unprecedented Performance”
means
“Nothing ever ran this slow before.”
“Revolutionary”
means
“Disk drives go ’round and ’round.”
“Futuristic”
means
“Only runs on a next generation supercomputer.”
“No Maintenance”
means
“Impossible to fix.”
“Performance Proven”
means
“Worked through Beta test.”
“Meets Tough Quality Standards”
means
“It compiles without errors.”
“Satisfaction Guaranteed”
means
“We’ll send you another pack if it fails.”
“Stock Item”
means
“We shipped it before and can do it again.”